Preparation H For Treatment of PIA* Dwarfs
from FlashTek
* Pain In the Ass.
History
Much research (preparations A through G) went into the solution for an effective dwarf repellent. It took years, but FlashTek has finally come up with a solution to your pain in the ass dwarf problems. This section is a chronicle of that research effort.
Preparation A, while looking somewhat impressive on video tape was really only a hint of the things to come.
Preparation A
The big flash you see was only present in one frame of the video and wasn't even seen live.
Preparations B and C were complete duds not even worthy of mention other than to say they were monuments to the dedication of the researchers. It wasn't until Preparation D was tested on September 2, 1998 by researchers Don Wood and Joe Huffman that started to hint at the potential. This was deemed, on the spot, to work "Fairly Well". It wasn't quite as sensitive as what was really needed.
Preparation D
But "Fairly well" wasn't good enough. We knew that for real satisfaction we needed something better. On April 11, 1999 Preparation E was tested for the first time. This preparation increased the sensitivity to a much more useable level but at the expense of an increase in price. This was described at the time by researcher Mike Amos as "Good One".
Preparation E
Preparation F was tested on November 23, 2001. It was a success. Both sensitivity and price were where we wanted it. As an added bonus the safety factor was increased as well. Although the very first test of Preparation F is not available this subsequent test only a few days tells the same story. This preparation was reported as having "A little flash" by researcher Joe Huffman.
Preparation F
But a little flash was not the goal. More flash was really needed for an effective treatment. So Preparation G was tested on November 26, 2001. This reportedly had a "Nice flash" by researcher Huffman.
Preparation G
Still, all this work, years of research was not just in search of a "Nice flash". No, to be truly effective. something that would give the kind of satisfaction people would be willing to pay for, it had to be something much better. For the chronic, severe irritation in your ass that only a dwarf that cause, you need something more. MUCH more. You need "Holy Shit!" That is exactly what researcher Ry Jones reported about Preparation H. on November 26, 2001.
Preparation H
Application
This product, like most powerful medicines, has the potential to be abused. Because it is so powerful, direct application is not necessary or desired except in EXTREME cases. It is expected that positive outcomes will result from applications as far as 100 yards away. The minimum range for guaranteed non-terminal application is about 15 feet for the small, 1-gallon, dose (shown above in the test video). For the Jumbo, 5-gallon, dose (still under development) application should be limited to a minimum of about 35 feet away.
One suggested application method is to put an applicator in plain site on your property at the desired application range from a fence line shared with your PIA dwarf. A no trespassing sign on the fence and a sign near the applicator saying "Preparation H Dwarf Repellent" in big bold letters that can easily be read from the dwarf side of the fence. The smaller letters below it which describe the hazards to a dwarf in close proximity to Preparation H. The smaller letters should not be readable from the dwarf side of the fence. Just as the dwarf is straddled over the fence, in violation of the no trespassing sign to investigate the dwarf repellent, the remote controlled applicator (various remote control devices exist, from high velocity lead pellets to electrical switches) is initiated.
We are sure you will find many methods to apply this great new product. Let you imagination run wild! With its small size it can be hidden almost anywhere yet the results will be spectacular.
Expected Results
While it is not marketed as a cure it is a cost effective treatment that will temporarily reduced the inflammation and provide tremendous satisfaction. The dwarf might not think it is a relief, but that isn't your problem -- in fact his discomfort will most likely be part of your satisfaction. It is expected that no trespassing signs will be given much more respect in the future. If not, Preparation H is very reasonably priced and even if multiple application are required each and every application will provide satisfaction and relief. And because Preparation H is so reasonably priced you can afford to apply it as frequently as needed.
Price and Delivery
You probably will be surprised at just how affordable Preparation H is. If you act now in the early release phase of this fantastic new product you can have the small sized applicators at one half the low, low manufacture's suggested retail price of $10.00. That's right, normally one application of this powerful medicine will be sold for $10.00, but for a limited time only you can have it at just over manufacturing cost at $5.00 per application (small size only).
Currently there is no stock on hand. However we can delivery small quantities (20 or less) within 10 days after order as we ramp up production. Place your order now so you can reap the satisfaction that only Preparation H can bring. We are sure that once you experience the joys of proper use of Preparation H you will find many ways to repeat the application and continue to reap the satisfaction of using a truly effective dwarf repellent.
Last update: June 02, 2002
Email: PrepH@joehuffman.org