Bloggers I Have Met

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Guide to Joe Speak

Criminal Occupational Safety Act

A gun ban or restriction that makes it difficult or impossible for private citizens to defend themselves from violent criminal attacks..

Doctor Joe's Cure for Everything

More sex.  Not just 'sex', but MORE sex.  As a preventative you should be getting frequent treatments already.

Gun Fearing Wussy (GFW)

Someone, or sometimes an organization, that has an irrational fear of firearms.  This is, almost for certain, a phrase coined by Kim du Toit.

Red Curtain of Blood (RCOB)

Extreme anger where your vision is impaired by appears to be a red curtain.  This is, almost for certain, a phrase coined by Kim du Toit.


Someone that is afraid someone, somewhere is having fun.

The Blank Stare (TBS)

The look of "the deer in the headlights." Typically the mouth opens, facial expression goes slack, the eyes blink once, get slightly wider and remain open. Frequent the remainder of their body is rigid and appears to be frozen and unable to move.

This condition appears to be brought on by profound confusion as the victim attempts to process some unexpected data. In computer terms they are processing an unhandled exception.

Frequently this happens when there is an extreme mismatch in the frame of reference between two or more people. Here are some examples where I see this happen:

  1. Extreme naivety or stupidity as in when someone says, "We need to get rid of guns so people won't try to settle their differences with violence."
  2. Extreme lack of social awareness and cultural cues as in when someone is overhears others talking about raising the consciousness of women to the social issues of the day via the sorority system at the university and that reminds them of the sick joke, which they feel compelled to share, about the difference between a "sorority chick" and a toilet (the toilet won't follow you around after you use it).
  3. Extreme insight, understanding, or intelligence beyond the comprehension of the listener as in the case where one person, thinking they are very clever, ponders out loud whether maybe there is some sort of "best music ever" that can be created from comparing a collection of music that is extremely well liked by one or more people for it's common elements. In response their conversation partner latches on to the idea and without pause explains how that might be done by converting the collection of music into the phase and frequency domain using Fast Fourier Transforms then correlating the phase and frequency coefficients. When The Blank Stare kicks in it's misinterpreted as thinking they don't think it will work so the speaker explains in more detail, "Of course you will have to pad the music that doesn't have a power of two number of samples with zero samples until it does. This might require some of the coefficient to be scaled according to the amount of padding required on each sample." As the victim enters a catatonic state they further explain, "Yeah, I know it's unusual, perhaps never before done, to convert such a large number of samples in a single FFT but the math all works and we now have the computing horsepower to accomplish the task which we didn't just a few years ago. This could be ground breaking research in a couple different fields." The victim stops breathing and start turning blue as the speaker attempting to clarify even further saying, "Yes, there might be resolution problem using single precision math so it will be essential to use double precision math. The extra processing time isn't really that important since you just need to do the FFT once for each musical piece."
  4. Combination of one or more of the above as in the case where the company president is mingling with the peons at the company Christmas party, attempts small talk and asks, "So what are your hobbies?" And gets the response, "Alternate sexuality--specifically S&M and B&D. I think it's fascinating that some people can find sexual gratification by reinterpretation of pain, physical and/or mental, and the accompanying endorphins in a manner that can't be connected to the propagation of the species in any reasonable manner. Don't you wonder how this response came about? Could it be a response to some environmental situation as in overly strict parents? Or do you think it has some genetic roots that might actually have provided some natural selection advantage?"